Ladies Corner
What's Behind a Great Man?
It’s been said that behind every great man is a great woman. What a powerful statement! As wives we have the ability to build our husbands up to be incredible men and servants of God. We can give them strength and courage like no other can. Our husbands allow us into a special place in their lives, a place where they are very vulnerable. We can nurture and protect their weak spots, or we can expose their weaknesses and bring our man shamefully to his knees. It is a bitter woman and poor wife who would do such a thing.
There are three key words that every wife should keep in mind. Accept, Admire, and Authority. We should accept our husband at face value, we should admire the man that he is, and submit to his authority.
There have been many young brides who marry believing that after the “I do’s” she will have the power to change those nasty habits and traits she does not like in her new husband. WRONG. If anything, once she is living with him, she is going to find even more things she does not like. As wives, we have to look past our husband’s habits that we don’t care for. If it is not sinful, move on. Nothing good can come from dwelling on such things. Instead, accept the man you married for who he is and learn to have patience and a blind eye. Proverbs 26:15 says, “A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” Your marriage will be much happier and healthier if you choose to build your husband up instead of tearing at his every fault. And remember--you too are not perfect.
Admiration is part of loving someone. It has the ability to affect their self-image like nothing else. If you have reverence for your husband, which encompasses admiration, your lives are going to be filled with respect, honor, praise and enjoyment. Who doesn’t want to enjoy their marriage?
To admire your husband, you really have to know him. You may say, “I married the man, of course I know him!” But when was the last time you had a deep meaningful conversation with him? When did you last talk about something other than the kids, bills, and chores? You have to communicate effectively to really know your husband. You have to really listen to him. It doesn’t count if while he is speaking you are nodding your head as you watch TV or crochet. Give him your undivided attention; he deserves it. Linda Dillow, in her book The Creative Counterpart, presents a list of questions to ask your husband. Answer these questions on your own, then tonight ask your husband to find out if you really know him.
What is the happiest thing that has ever happened to your husband?
What has been the hardest experience of his life?
What are his secret ambitions, his goals for life?
What are his deep fears?
What about you does he appreciate the most?
What traits of you would he like to see changed?
What man or men does he most admire?
On the lighter side of things, choose to be interested in the things that interest your husband. Anyone who knows my husband will tell you what a car-buff he is. His mother bought him a car encyclopedia for pleasure reading when he was little. I make it a point to listen to my husband when he gets off on a tangent about cars. I like to play a game with him where I see a car on the road or on TV and say, “what’s that car?” He will immediately divulge not only the make, year, model, but also the value, gas mileage, availability, motor, where the factory is, who screwed this bolt on the chassis...you get the idea. I also know that there are certain cars that my husband dreams of owning one day that we can’t afford right now. I don’t discourage those desires just because we don’t have the money for them. I let him dream and tell him that one day I would love for him to own those cars. I make the choice to support my husband in his dreams and desires, and I like to think he is a better man and I am a better wife because of those choices.
In our modern society, most women do not like the notion that men have authority over them. But as Christian women, God has told us that it is in his plan for us to be submissive. Ephesians 5:21-24 says, “Submitting to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” We should not accept the modern connotation of submissiveness to be demeaning. God likens it to Christ and his sacrificial love for the church--what a beautiful love! Why would we not want to be recipients of such deep love? Now granted, there are men that abuse and distort their role, and they may have wives that despise them for it, but that is not the attitude God wants us to have. Our gentle, submissive spirit can do more for our husbands than nagging, hateful words ever can.
As wives, being submissive to our husband’s authority is more than an action, it is an attitude; an attitude of being content, joyful, obedient and respectful. One husband summarized submission as “no resistance.” Now that does not mean that a husband can walk all over his wife. What it does mean is that a husband and wife should discuss all things. A wife should tell her husband exactly how she feels about things, but in an attitude of love and with the understanding that his word is final. If she disagrees with his decision, she should not sulk and carry on, but trust and accept it. Joyfully supporting your husband’s decisions will always work out better in the end.
Choose to be the great woman behind your great man. He may have his shortcomings, but with your love and support he can climb mountains and lead your family to heaven. Your marriage will be happy and blessed if you choose to make it so.
